I have redefined “doing an exercise” for myself. I have always defined it as actually doing the exercise successfully and with the correct frequency from the moment the decision to “do an exercise” is made. Now I am beginning to appreciate the underlying effects of the simple determination to work with the exercise as it works on me and learn from each stage.
For the last couple of months I have been not at all successful at keeping silence in the kitchen. As much as I wanted to not speak I found myself doing it more and more frequently. I continued to work with the exercise of not speaking in the kitchen watching the continued inability to be silent. As I struggled to keep quiet I realized I have a very strong pull to be social – to send off the witty quip, or acerbic response and maybe once in a while a helpful hint. Watching this I saw that not speaking in the kitchen meant giving up the social interaction that helped me keep in place my current idea of myself and my place in the universe.
I made efforts to overcome the automatic response to be social and not speak in the kitchen. I was not having positive results.
I finally spoke to the group about my difficulty. At the moment I don't have the ability to easily choose being silent. I can keep myself from initiating speech, but when I am spoken to I don't seem able to keep silent. Social conditioning. So, we have agreed that I will not only be silent but others will not speak to me when they are in the kitchen. Now to see what transpires from this change.
